- Wed, 15:04: Someone should start a service where you sit on hold for me with customer service and ping me when it's finally my turn. Related: Fuck USPS.
- Wed, 19:06: You preferred blonde cartoon Egon to Harold Ramis? Unfollow.
- Wed, 19:11: Dinner and a show at @creekandcave with @missckc. I'm ready for monkeys to dance for my entertainment.
- Wed, 20:42: Lessons by @JeanGreasy: don't put a chimp in a bubble bath and get him hooked on xanax. Taking that off my bucket list, I guess. :(
- Wed, 21:46: Groundhog Day's Ned Ryerson reminisces about working with Harold Ramis. http://t.co/BKZt00FCKm
- Thu, 08:31: If you have to be trapped in a cattle car in the morning, I suggest running into friends you never see.
- Thu, 10:35: Hey @USPS, does anyone actually answer the phone at your 800 number? I'm on hold for the 10th time in 2 days to find a package.
Tue, 04:38: RT @ danozzi: just to be clear: gender reveal parties have a higher body count and have done more property damage than antifa ever…
Sun, 03:41: RT @ MeanestBossEver: We need a new term for a group of crows.
Sat, 08:37: RT @ ditzkoff: if you click the skip intro button on The Muppet Show, your subscription should be instantly canceled…