Sean (darksoul) wrote,

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"Wherever you are, you will carry always; Truth of scars and darkness of your faith..."

i make myself out to be far stronger than i really am. i'm not admitting that to anyone in particular or saying that it applies to any particular situation currently. i just thought i'd make that confession. heck, maybe i am as strong as i make myself out to be since i often tend to believe i'm that strong. but i'm realizing that the amount of stuff i think i can deal with is far beyond the normal breaking point of humans. i don't consider myself abnormal, at least as far as my own limits and abilities. these don't compute. i'm worried about the fact that they don't compute. i've endured more crap throughout my 19 years than the average suburban white male who isn't involved in gangs or drugs.

i've survived a psychologically and sometimes physically abusive (i'm sure the inside of my lip has a nasty scar from the stiches...) father who never made it known that he acknowledged i existed unless he was wanting to yell at me about something.

i survived being an overly smart and pudgy kid who was never liked by most people and recieved the support of only a few adults (rarely was my mother one of them and never was my father one of them).

i've managed to get a good job, buy a decent car, and start going to college, mostly on my own two feet (with a little help from those who cared).

i've survived pain from love, pain from hate, pain from stupidity, any sort of pain that life has thrown at me.

the scars show. and i don't make an attempt to hide them. they've made me. they are me. and i am them. i like who i am. i like what i've become. whether i'm a product of my experience, i'm not certain. but what i do know is that i've always managed to survive. i've never been broken beyond repair. i've never given up. call me stubborn, but i refuse to give in. ever. i will not be beaten down. i will not be the downtrodden. i will overcome. damn it.

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