- Wed, 12:13: The people at @gocheeseboy behind my office are starting to recognize me. Clearly my all grilled cheese diet is working out.
- Wed, 14:12: Sarah Palin is on welfare now, right? I don't think she's had a job for 5 years now.
- Wed, 15:00: Does this look infected? Should I get an analgesic cream? http://t.co/lXIyHsnblw
- Wed, 22:50: Kris Kristoferson died in a tragic jumping bus accident? That doesn't sound accurate, twitterzzz.
- Thu, 08:46: It feels like Tuesday and Saturday and 1784. Basically I'm telling you that I'm a Time Lord.
- Thu, 09:27: "Toothy Land Fish" is the name of my metal sawgrass Phish cover band. Please kill us right away if you see us in Central Park.
- Thu, 10:53: Waking up to mystery injuries is the worst. I have no clue where these 12 stab wounds came from. AWKWARD!
- Thu, 11:18: RT @NightValeRadio: VIRGO: Molting is quite painful, but your new skin will be spiny and gray and beautiful. Patience.
Thu, 04:56: RT @ powellnyt: “His face was in your windshield, Jason. Think about that,” a detective told South Dakota Attorney General Jason…
Tue, 04:38: RT @ danozzi: just to be clear: gender reveal parties have a higher body count and have done more property damage than antifa ever…
Sun, 03:41: RT @ MeanestBossEver: We need a new term for a group of crows.