My tweets

Thu, 13:15: If your friend posted a picture of a celeb with a bizarre political quote, your friend is probably dumb. - Abraham Lincoln
Thu, 13:19: Every Tea Party nutcase complaining that the gov't wants their guns seems like they're on the verge of orgasm. What's that about? #tcot
Thu, 15:26: Jeopardy could have been amazingly more entertaining if IBM had just left well enough alone. http://t.co/nnES3dbs
Thu, 18:46: RT @delaneycolinp: @djmrcurmudgeon "The greatest threat to the Republic is people who post pictures of their cats wearing sweaters" —Lin ...
Thu, 19:38: Thanks to @colinpdempsey for putting my name in at Oh Hey Guys, I got to tell my ridiculous @woodelijah story. Fun times! Cc @JFly99
Fri, 02:04: Rubber sea monsters, love, Wes Anderson #SixWordFilmPlots
Fri, 02:08: Bruce Willis blows it all up #SixWordFilmPlots
Fri, 02:11: Quirky girl, jock, midget, magic bus #SixWordFilmPlots
Fri, 02:21: WebMD diagnosis leads to wacky adventure #SixWordFilmPlots
Fri, 10:11: I aspire to one day shart somewhere significant enough to tell everyone all about it. Apparently Wendy's doesn't rank yet.

Fri, 10:43: Republicans: When semen enters a woman's vagina, she can get pregnant, rape or not rape. HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?!?! http://t.co/bZwqotKc