- Mon, 15:10: Two missed calls from Antigua. Is Jane Seymour finally giving in to my unwanted advances?!
- Tue, 06:15: Waking up at 5 am for no good reason is apparently my new jam.
- Tue, 06:48: Someone needs to invent a pillowcase that stays cold all night so I can close the window.
- Tue, 11:34: Half of the block of Havarti that I was going to snack on for lunch has disappeared. If you find it, get out of my mouth.
Tue, 04:38: RT @ danozzi: just to be clear: gender reveal parties have a higher body count and have done more property damage than antifa ever…
Sun, 03:41: RT @ MeanestBossEver: We need a new term for a group of crows.
Sat, 08:37: RT @ ditzkoff: if you click the skip intro button on The Muppet Show, your subscription should be instantly canceled…