- Thu, 18:52: RT @LOLGOP: You're not allowed to run on your record! -- the guy who deleted all of his records and never mentions that he was Governor ...
- Thu, 19:53: Kerry is delivering some great zingers but the Rocky IV joke has been my favorite so far. #DNC
- Thu, 19:54: RT @LOLGOP: Thinking John Kerry got some @juddapatow lines.
- Thu, 20:01: RT @curlycomedy: I'm guessing someone left a copy of The Comedy Bible backstage at the #DNC
- Thu, 20:01: RT @BrianLynch: Last minute idea: Bin Laden Ghost Hologram. Obama rushes out in a Ghostbuster uniform, takes him down while OOPS I DID ...
- Thu, 20:25: RT @carolrhartsell: I'm not gonna lie, every time one of these clips rolls I wonder if that videographer John Edwards banged shot it. #DNC
- Thu, 20:30: Is anyone else waiting for the Statue Of Liberty to walk in because Jackie Wilson was playing? #DNC
- Thu, 20:31: "MYSTERY GUEST: THE STATUE OF LIBERTY AND GHOSTBUSTERS 3!" That's a message I could get behind. #DNC
- Thu, 20:34: That's right Joe, hit on your bosses wife. You're such a pimp Joe. #JoeBidenFanClub #DNC
- Thu, 20:41: Whoa now Joe, we can't have someone in charge that cares about how things will impact normal people! #JoeBidenFanClub #DNC
- Thu, 20:50: Tomorrow we'll find out that Joe drank six 5-Hour Energy drinks before this, drove off in a bitchin' Camaro after. #JoeBidenFanClub #DNC
- Thu, 20:54: Phew, he said Osama is dead and not Obama. It was a close call there. #JoeBidenFanClub #DNC
- Thu, 20:55: RT @Rosenthaltweets: I'm calling it now. Obama's gonna open a curtain revealing a handcuffed Joseph Kony. #DNC
- Thu, 21:00: That was an awfully long shot of that hipster and his hat. Is this Fashion Night or #DNC?
- Thu, 21:02: The American people made this country! Also, probably some Mexicans, some South Americans and some Eastern Europeans. #JoeBidenFanClub #DNC
- Thu, 21:05: Is Joe describing the future where Wyld Stallyns brought about world peace? #JoeBidenFanClub #DNC
- Thu, 21:07: If Bill & Ted come out playing with Eddie Van Halen when Obama hits the stage, I will blow all of Twitter. #DNC
- Thu, 21:10: Biden only blew the light by 20 minutes. Still doing better than @carriegravenson's dad. #JoeBidenFanClub #DNC
- Thu, 21:11: Does anyone else think Dick Durbin sounds like the name of a comical penis hat? No disrespect. #DNC
- Thu, 21:23: Cue pimp stroll. #DNC
- Thu, 21:25: RT @carolrhartsell: If Obama doesn't exit the stage to Gangnam Style I'm voting for Nader. #dnc
- Thu, 21:33: Obama/Obama 2052 #DNC
- Thu, 21:41: RT @kctoons: The fact that the President has to even SAY that Climate Change isn't a hoax is sad...
- Thu, 21:45: Was that John Kerry sitting with Don Cheadle? WTF? I am totally distracted now. #DNC
- Thu, 21:47: Sorry Obama, I'ma let you finish but are Olivia Wilde & Don Cheadle trying to get John Kerry laid tonight? #DNC
- Thu, 21:55: POTUS just said doody. #DNC
- Thu, 22:00: RT @pattonoswalt: Daaaamn. Obama just simultaneously Denzel'd, McQueen'd & Jagger'd. #imthepresident #DNC
- Thu, 22:02: RT @mikedicenzo: "You did this, America! It was you all along! There was no magic in those shoes!" - Obama
- Thu, 22:04: If you believe that dragons were real and that Jesus rode a velociraptor, this may not be the candidate for you. #DNC #POTUS
- Thu, 22:05: Oh crap! #POTUS totally forgot to say spoiler alert before revealing that Walter White gets killed in the end! #DNC
- Thu, 22:07: The #DNC drops paper confetti instead of balloons because they hate the balloon industry. - @PaulRyanVP
- Thu, 22:10: RT @MikeDrucker: How amazing would it be if President Obama turned around and said, "One more thing" and then revealed the iPhone 5? #DNC
- Thu, 22:11: For his encore, POTUS is going to do a 20 minute cover of Stairway with Willies Nelson and Clinton. #DNC
- Thu, 22:22: As we all heckle, Joe Biden is climbing into a 67 Dodge Dart with his hot wife. You are all jealous. #DNC #JoeBidenFanClub
- Thu, 22:25: RT @RubinReport: After Romney's speech the discussion was maybe he was slightly more human. After Obama the country is smoking a shared ...
- Thu, 22:26: My 4000th tweet was about Joe Biden getting laid. That's it, I can't do any better. I'm quitting Twitter.
- Thu, 22:37: Theme of the #RNC: "Remember when life used to be good but really wasn't? Back when women made pies? That was bitchin'!"
- Thu, 22:37: Theme of the #DNC: "Yeah, some stuff still sucks. But it's not going to get better without peace love and understanding. DOOBIE TIME!"
- Thu, 22:47: RT @GhostPanther: Barack and Michelle should get a sitter and spend the night at the Doubletree for room service and Prometheus on PPV. ...
- Thu, 23:15: RT @curlycomedy: Simultaneous airing of #VMA and #DNC was not a mistake like placing a separate kiddy table at Thanksgiving is not a mis ...
- Fri, 05:01: RT @MrEmilyHeller: This Poehler/Arnett split is going to put a lot of pressure on Beyonce and Jay-Z to make me believe love is real
- Fri, 08:49: Hurricane Leslie Goshko continues to spin until she's dizzy, will eventually collapse when no one is looking. #FF @ohmygoshko
- Fri, 09:43: WTF Arizona? Why is this judge chastising the victim of a sexual assault? Can we sell your state to Mexico? http://t.co/2yysTCXV
- Fri, 10:50: Watching people trip over curbs while they talk on their cell phone will never get old. Thank goodness I moved to the right town for that.
- Fri, 11:13: Hey Romney/Paul, #AreYouBetterOff blowing that $120k/day getting heckled by Twitterererers? http://t.co/AzA9mbip
- Fri, 11:26: Oh @Google and your adorable doodles.
- Fri, 11:54: RT @BillCosby: Everyone always asks about this sweater! http://t.co/AZlBARCG
