- Sun, 18:40: If I put fruit into frozen yogurt, I can claim I'm eating health food, right? Um, asking for, uh, a friend.
- Sun, 21:33: As mayor of my laundromat, new rules are now going into effect. Rule 31: I get to sell your kid for organs if they ask me for quarters
- Sun, 22:19: Dating tip #85 - You can't get crabs from making out. Unless she has a mustache.
- Mon, 09:52: RT @becauseimjewish: GUYS THIS IS NOT A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN. WARREN BUFFETT earns 7k an hour. #fiftyshadesofgrey http://t.co/KlxVgsQb
- Mon, 10:41: RT @hellolanemoore: "You don't miss anyone you knew when you were younger. And yes, they're all fat now. Go to bed." --Google error mess ...
- Mon, 11:44: RT @Gothamist: Whew: Forbidden Planet Is Not Closing, Just Moving Again http://t.co/5mVPoJTV
Fri, 08:52: RT @ DougJBalloon: The new Wes Anderson movie is drawing mixed reviews from critics. Here's why that's bad news for Joe Biden.
Fri, 12:18: RT @ MikeDrucker: By age 30 you should: 1. Take car 2. Go to mum’s 3. Kill Phil (sorry) 4. Grab Liz 5. Go to the Winchester 6. Have…
Fri, 10:25: RT @ mmpadellan: Nobody: Not a single living soul: The former guy: "I'm not into golden showers." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Fri, 10:31: RT @…