- Sun, 18:40: If I put fruit into frozen yogurt, I can claim I'm eating health food, right? Um, asking for, uh, a friend.
- Sun, 21:33: As mayor of my laundromat, new rules are now going into effect. Rule 31: I get to sell your kid for organs if they ask me for quarters
- Sun, 22:19: Dating tip #85 - You can't get crabs from making out. Unless she has a mustache.
- Mon, 09:52: RT @becauseimjewish: GUYS THIS IS NOT A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN. WARREN BUFFETT earns 7k an hour. #fiftyshadesofgrey http://t.co/KlxVgsQb
- Mon, 10:41: RT @hellolanemoore: "You don't miss anyone you knew when you were younger. And yes, they're all fat now. Go to bed." --Google error mess ...
- Mon, 11:44: RT @Gothamist: Whew: Forbidden Planet Is Not Closing, Just Moving Again http://t.co/5mVPoJTV