- Fri, 13:09: Tom and Katie getting divorced is clearly a sign that gay marriage does not work. So success! It's just as good as regular marriage!
- Fri, 13:19: Making love is like eating at @Arbys, sometimes you have to take a giant dump after.
- Fri, 13:21: Making love is like eating a big beef & cheddar at @Arbys, you end up making a mess & there are never enough napkins.
- Fri, 14:19: Oh hai productivity booster! http://t.co/MLceK8GA
- Fri, 14:50: If you want a delicious grilled cheese in Astoria, hit @QueensKickshaw. This tweet not brought to you by 44 oz of Crispin Cider.
- Fri, 20:49: When I got bullied on the bus, all I got was a lousy eating disorder and an attitude problem. Sheesh! http://t.co/hGa73NBk
- Sat, 10:02: These Farmville fresh tomatoes I bought taste kind of funky. It's like the farmers there don't know the first thing about agriculture.
- Sat, 10:12: I just got food sext'd and then a bacon pic showed up. The future is full of perverts.
- Sat, 10:31: RT @carriegravenson: To be called a princess and then be tickled until they fart. #whatboyzwant
- Sat, 11:08: RT @squirmandgerm: We'll bring the lobster, you bring the butter! #PerfectPicnic #mainemofo http://t.co/dqeYQZHM
Sat, 07:56: RT @ mlstrat: i’ll die on this hill: the ability to explain a complex subject in accessible terms is one of the greatest markers of…
Wed, 12:49: RT @ DougJBalloon: Our model now shows a 90% chance that Nate Silver is a moron. Wed, 12:53: RT @ LuxAlptraum: You know that…
Tue, 13:56: RT @ LightsCameraPod: The Norm Macdonald "moth Joke," one of the greatest jokes every told on television. https://t.co/daC9oPVPsU…