- Fri, 13:09: Tom and Katie getting divorced is clearly a sign that gay marriage does not work. So success! It's just as good as regular marriage!
- Fri, 13:19: Making love is like eating at @Arbys, sometimes you have to take a giant dump after.
- Fri, 13:21: Making love is like eating a big beef & cheddar at @Arbys, you end up making a mess & there are never enough napkins.
- Fri, 14:19: Oh hai productivity booster! http://t.co/MLceK8GA
- Fri, 14:50: If you want a delicious grilled cheese in Astoria, hit @QueensKickshaw. This tweet not brought to you by 44 oz of Crispin Cider.
- Fri, 20:49: When I got bullied on the bus, all I got was a lousy eating disorder and an attitude problem. Sheesh! http://t.co/hGa73NBk
- Sat, 10:02: These Farmville fresh tomatoes I bought taste kind of funky. It's like the farmers there don't know the first thing about agriculture.
- Sat, 10:12: I just got food sext'd and then a bacon pic showed up. The future is full of perverts.
- Sat, 10:31: RT @carriegravenson: To be called a princess and then be tickled until they fart. #whatboyzwant
- Sat, 11:08: RT @squirmandgerm: We'll bring the lobster, you bring the butter! #PerfectPicnic #mainemofo http://t.co/dqeYQZHM
Sat, 04:17: RT @ smartstatistic: I would love to have been unburdened with issues of race as an 8 year old but I was too busy having white kids…
Thu, 04:56: RT @ powellnyt: “His face was in your windshield, Jason. Think about that,” a detective told South Dakota Attorney General Jason…
Tue, 04:38: RT @ danozzi: just to be clear: gender reveal parties have a higher body count and have done more property damage than antifa ever…