- Mon, 16:31: Her: Well we were trying to figure out what a baby would cost so - Me: Uh, I'm pretty sure you can make those for free. #stillsingleladies
- Mon, 18:47: Sad news trolls, Mr. Trololo died. His amazing song will live on in our farts. Err, hearts. http://t.co/n3kfaFZ2
- Mon, 19:08: OKCupid's app insists on telling me when girls w/names like "WASHBOARDABSONLY86" are nearby. Is this a new weightloss feature they've added?
- Mon, 19:24: If you need me, I'll be drinking vanilla vodka and watching this for the next ten hours: http://t.co/sqcCrJJR
- Mon, 19:58: The worst part about cutting your own hair is you only have one person to blame if it sucks: the manufacturer of your hair clippers.
- Mon, 20:59: "Taste the Place" sounds like the slogan for Skittles flavored panties, not pizza/mexican food. http://t.co/loD0mB4n
- Mon, 21:05: I heart NYC. The green snot comet is a nice touch. http://t.co/5XOkWsTp
- Tue, 08:58: Alert! There's a peeper in Astoria! http://t.co/NMa1JGzP
Tue, 08:56: RT @ MaxHomo: Hannah Gadsby describing Dave as a man who "gets 20 million dollars to process his emotionally stunted partial world…
Fri, 08:52: RT @ DougJBalloon: The new Wes Anderson movie is drawing mixed reviews from critics. Here's why that's bad news for Joe Biden.
Fri, 12:18: RT @ MikeDrucker: By age 30 you should: 1. Take car 2. Go to mum’s 3. Kill Phil (sorry) 4. Grab Liz 5. Go to the Winchester 6. Have…