- Mon, 16:31: Her: Well we were trying to figure out what a baby would cost so - Me: Uh, I'm pretty sure you can make those for free. #stillsingleladies
- Mon, 18:47: Sad news trolls, Mr. Trololo died. His amazing song will live on in our farts. Err, hearts. http://t.co/n3kfaFZ2
- Mon, 19:08: OKCupid's app insists on telling me when girls w/names like "WASHBOARDABSONLY86" are nearby. Is this a new weightloss feature they've added?
- Mon, 19:24: If you need me, I'll be drinking vanilla vodka and watching this for the next ten hours: http://t.co/sqcCrJJR
- Mon, 19:58: The worst part about cutting your own hair is you only have one person to blame if it sucks: the manufacturer of your hair clippers.
- Mon, 20:59: "Taste the Place" sounds like the slogan for Skittles flavored panties, not pizza/mexican food. http://t.co/loD0mB4n
- Mon, 21:05: I heart NYC. The green snot comet is a nice touch. http://t.co/5XOkWsTp
- Tue, 08:58: Alert! There's a peeper in Astoria! http://t.co/NMa1JGzP
Sat, 04:17: RT @ smartstatistic: I would love to have been unburdened with issues of race as an 8 year old but I was too busy having white kids…
Thu, 04:56: RT @ powellnyt: “His face was in your windshield, Jason. Think about that,” a detective told South Dakota Attorney General Jason…
Tue, 04:38: RT @ danozzi: just to be clear: gender reveal parties have a higher body count and have done more property damage than antifa ever…