- Thu, 12:46: There isn't enough time in my day/life to find a lady in time to not be single on my bday. QUIT ASKING PEOPLE WHO WANT ME TO BE HAPPY.
- Thu, 12:56: Obama turns 50 today despite intense opposition from the Tea Party who demand proof he was born today and not three weeks ago.
- Thu, 17:04: Why can't this awesome shirt be available in my size? http://t.co/BvjcNDw via @threadless
- Fri, 01:38: Sleeping for an hour only to be awoken by mayhem outside and then being unable to get back to sleep? Super unfair. #firstworldproblems
Tue, 04:38: RT @ danozzi: just to be clear: gender reveal parties have a higher body count and have done more property damage than antifa ever…
Sun, 03:41: RT @ MeanestBossEver: We need a new term for a group of crows.
Sat, 08:37: RT @ ditzkoff: if you click the skip intro button on The Muppet Show, your subscription should be instantly canceled…