- Tue, 13:06: It's very telling that Sarah Palin hasn't put out an ad dispelling the rumors that she's a witch.
- Tue, 23:46: RT @Disalmanac: UPDATE: Beyonce is pregnant; apparently she didn't put a NuvaRing on it.
- Wed, 11:02: Every time I make sloppy joe mix, I find myself humming the Lunch Lady song. I am single. These facts may be more than coincidental.
Fri, 16:29: RT @ allisonkilkenny: Today I learned of the term "geriatric millennial." I'm accepting flowers and cash donation condolences.…
Thu, 12:51: RT @ joshgondelman: A good thing to read! https://t.co/S8rOqudjz8 Thu, 12:52: RT @ JenKirkman: Got harassed for saying this…
Mon, 14:57: I'm starting to think that dogecoin is the Cutco Knives of currency. They should try throwing in a free sharpener if you buy 10 or…