- Wed, 17:25: @thesuefunke Lucky you. If I start having cocktails at 4 pm at work, it's still considered "Being an alcoholic who drinks alone."
- Wed, 19:06: @thesuefunke Doh! I knew there was some crucial item I was missing! Actually liking other carbon based lifeforms!
- Wed, 19:33: Didn't I just have two extra days off? My brain feels melted like I haven't had a moment to relax in months. Ah well, Lasers take me away!
- Wed, 22:02: Afghanistan is a party cove where they cut the hands off girls on bikinis. #themoreyouknow
- Wed, 22:55: Twice in 8 days I've see @PaulMecurio flash his junk from the stage. No joke here, just felt the need to share my scars.
- Thu, 00:31: Thanks cabbie man for telling ne that Inwood isn't in the Bronx but Riverdale is. I needed the geography refresher at 1 am. #themoreyouknow
Fri, 16:29: RT @ allisonkilkenny: Today I learned of the term "geriatric millennial." I'm accepting flowers and cash donation condolences.…
Thu, 12:51: RT @ joshgondelman: A good thing to read! https://t.co/S8rOqudjz8 Thu, 12:52: RT @ JenKirkman: Got harassed for saying this…
Mon, 14:57: I'm starting to think that dogecoin is the Cutco Knives of currency. They should try throwing in a free sharpener if you buy 10 or…