Blah blah blah. I'm inflating this event into something much more than it actually was or even what I view it as. Getting along with someone who has no reason to get along with me whatsoever boosts my self-esteem and makes me feel like I'm not a total loss. A stupid opinion to hold of myself, certainly, but sometimes I need to know that I'm appreciated by people whose opinions aren't influenced by our relationship and any need to make me feel needed. Hell, sometimes it's nice to even know I'm appreciated by people who ARE influenced by our relationship and feel the need to make me feel needed.
Incoherent rambling indeed. I'm in the midst of reading a book loaned to me by Sarah Grrrrr that's a medley of random stories of growing up in South Carolina. The way it's arranged interests me and is making me think about going back to writing my pseudo-autobiography. Add this to the list of things I'd like to find myself actually getting off my butt and doing.
1) Write "A Long Incoherent Bout Of Rambling" or whatever it ends up titled
2) Start getting some of my poetry written out, then find a poetry slam that doesn't make me want to stab myself/others to participate in
3) Buy DJ equipment, teach self to DJ
4) Buy a pony
5) Cure disease, solve world hunger, overthrow The Empire
6) Learn origami
7) Open-mic comedy? That would require me to be funny though...
Anyway. There are conversations that I'm working myself up to having with various people. I've yet to decide whether or not I'm getting up the nerve because that's where I'm at now or if it's because I'm in a self-destructive, self-preserving, self-serving, "It's time to do right by me for once", "tear it all down and rebuild from scratch if you must" head space. Perhaps it's simply a combination of the two. Perhaps it'll fade before I accomplish anything. Perhaps perhaps perhaps.
I'm torn between being a chatty bitch and being quiet and antisocial these days.