At the same time, I fear that this desire to run away all stems from the simple fact that I'm sick and tired of spending every day alone. I surround myself with people as often as I can, only to turn around and keep them all at an arm's length. Not a single person in my life knows what is actually going on behind the mask, a situation I've gone to great strides to create because there are so many things I hate admitting to myself, much less to the people I care about. Better to be the funny man jerk than to admit that I'm an overly sensitive whiney emo dork. Humor as a defensive mechanism has always worked out for me in the past and they always say to go with what you're good at. Occasionally I miss the sweet-dorky-me, but when did he ever really exist? More often than not, he's just been a figment of my overactive imagination, someone that I wish I could be if the circumstances were ever ripe for him to actually see the light of day.
This is neither the time nor the place, but 3 am has a nasty habit of making me more honest with myself and others than I ought to be.
Time to try and pass out again before I end up spending another hour sitting here writing a bunch of meaningless drivel that's all been said before in one form or another.
