Sean (darksoul) wrote,
Sean
darksoul

  • Music:

I'm always asking myself what does it all mean and where do we go from here...

I made it into the office before 9 for the first time in a few weeks. Strange, considering how much I feel like a zombie this morning. Tonight was going to be spent working myself into a cleaning frenzy to get my stuff ready for movement to the opposite side of the house once my "new" bedroom is finished, but I may just go home and sleep instead. So exciting!

Horoscope for the day:
With the Moon back in feisty Aries, you Virgos might be feeling somewhat uneasy, for your impulsivity isn't sitting well with your careful way of doing things. There's a part of you that is climbing walls and pushing through ceilings. You don't want to restrain yourself in the same old ways. Don't accept limitations without question, but don't do anything silly that you will regret tomorrow.
I'd like to use this as an excuse to blame fate for everything that happens, to claim that I was pre-destined to be where I am. But if that were the case, then I'd lose my self-confidence because it would mean that nothing that I've done has played a role in how things have come out, that everything that has occurred was meant to happen. This is why I find the idea of being religious and full of faith to be an impossible concept for me. To put my fate into the hands of some unseen deity seems escapist to me. Religion is the original source of infotainment, providing humanity with glorious tales of kings and peasants, gods and demons, all with an attempt to push you onto the moral path of that particular deity's followers. I feel alone because my god is myself, the only person that I truly have to answer to when I close my eyes at night and the only person who can look back on my entire life and properly judge me for the sins I've committed.

I've been considering wiping my iPod and starting completely from scratch, adding tracks only instead of insisting on entire albums. The reason I'm insistent on adding entire albums as often as possible is so that I can be faithful to the artist's original concept for the album. Just because I think a track smells doesn't mean that it doesn't belong in between to otherwise great tracks. I digress. The idea occured to me yesterday afternoon while wandering through a book store that my life has a sort of running soundtrack/playlist, that at any given moment in time there is a song in my collection to describe that moment. I could just create a playlist from what I've got on there already, but the idea of narrowing down what I have available to a select group feels bizarrely comforting. Something psychologically revealing could probably be said about that. Slightly related, I wonder how long I can listen to dark southern gothic roots music before someone in the office notices and calls it into question. I also wonder if anyone just read that and didn't think "what the hell genre is that?" *sighs* I'm hopeless.
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