Sean (darksoul) wrote,
Sean
darksoul

  • Music:

It takes a lot to find yourself way down.

The biggest reason I don't see a therapist is that I know exactly what I need to do to solve all of my social phobias and move on with my life, but doing them is more terrifying than living with my problems. Hopping into my Delorian and going on a journey through the pains of my past and browbeating those who transgressed against me today doesn't interest me too much, no matter how much I may be healed by it. I don't need a head doctor to tell me that I have intimacy issues and have a tendency to protect myself with humor. I don't have to pay someone $125/hr to tell me that I need to confront my fears head on and that the first step to growth is to heal the festering wounds I've allowed to get infected before gangrene sets in.

There are fights that I need to have with people. Potentially heart-wrenching fights. Scorched earth battle royale fights. Bridges won't just burn, they'll be incinerated an no trace of them having existed shall remain. Why haven't they happened? Why won't they happen? I tend to blame my need for a lack of drama, but really I'm just pathetic and would rather be an emotional cripple than confront anyone with what's really bothering me. God forbid I learn how to have a spine when it's appropriate.

I am my own worst enemy, but who would make a better foil to myself? I think the seams are starting to split. Mental note: don't let the stuffing come out or you'll be empty once again.
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