gloomyGirls. I need to keep those out of my head. Most people I know are blissfully paired off. If I were a bitter and sad person, I'd be sickened by the whole thing and go off on terrible rants about how people like that ought to be thrown off a bridge for getting to enjoy the company of another person while nice folk like me go to sleep alone night after night. That'd be rude though. Most of them deserve what they've got, if not more. I don't know why I bring it up except that I constantly find myself missing closeness. Emotional, mental, physical. It's been nearly a year since I've even considered opening myself up to anyone, but now that I'm even willing to, I find that most everyone I've ever known has gone. Short of going out to coffee shops and bars and hitting on anything that looks promising, my dating pool is as shallow as the gene pool is in the republican party. There are a few options available to me, but none of them are ideal. One is broken goods and a flake, not to mention company ink. One doesn't seem interested in me and would be a violation of a few of my personal rules. If I thought the interest was there, I'd probably throw the rule book out the window. One is someone from the past whom I'm sure I could strike something up with, but unless she's changed a lot since we used to talk heavily, we would never work out. I'm too much of a snob and she didn't appreciate much of what I enjoy in life. It's not a relationship that ought to be rekindled, especially while I'm feeling mildly vulnerable.
It looks like my plans for the night have fallen through. If I were a smarter man, I'd go home and get some stuff done around the house. Instead, I'll probably go get some food, maybe catch a movie, then go drive around aimlessly thinking far too much about too much.
I'm selfish. I want a hug and a reminder that I'm loved and that I'm special to someone on a frequent basis. Shame on me.
