Sean (darksoul) wrote,
Sean
darksoul
  • Mood: lost at sea
  • Music: Coldplay - Amsterdam

I wish it was last September...

The saddest part of all is that you've become a stranger to me, a random passenger riding the same train whose face seems vaguely familiar, but distant enough that saying hello would be socially inappropriate. A million miles seperate us even when we're only feet from one another. I've lived long enough to learn that sometimes there's nothing you can do about people fading from your life, no matter how much you'd like to fight it. It never gets easier. A year ago, I might have claimed that I knew you better than anyone and may have even been able to back it up. These days, I'd be lucky if I recognized you immeadiately. The sound of your voice, though it oft haunts my dreams, is that of one more random person in the daylight hours. Others will replace the role you fulfilled in my life, one day. Unfortunately. Hindsight is one of the worst gifts one can have.

I've said I'm sorry by now, at least once, to just about everyone.

The future is starting to look brighter, and yet all I feel is melancholy and dread with each passing day. Friendships grow more and more distant as I withdraw from the world. I rationalize it when questioned by those concerned, but the truth of the matter is that I'm just too tired to...well, too tired to be. If I could figure it out, I'd resolve the situation. Don't hold your breath. I'm too busy living in the past to figure out the now, much less the road ahead.

It's hard to understand somebody who doesn't want to understand himself.

One day, I'll have it all figured out. I'll find a nice girl, we'll settle down, buy a house with a picket fence and pop out some crotchlings. Of course, eventually we'll get divorced, one of my kids will get arrested for drug use, and the bank will foreclose on my house. Or I'll learn to not be so cynical. My vote is for the former.
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