Sean (darksoul) wrote,

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though I walk through the valley of the shadow of myself, I fear only the lack of escape...

Amazon is such a great place for the lower-middle class youth to shop, especially for books. Sure, I could scour the city for a hardcover version of Neil Gaiman's American Gods, but would I find a copy for as cheap as $7.16, even used? Probably not. I've only read a few pages into it (while covering the front desk), but it already shows promise and I've heard nothing but good things about it.

Suffering from mild dehydration today after yesterday's venture out to Lollapalooza. The show was alright, though the only acts I really enjoyed were Queens Of The Stone Age and some rap artist on the second stage. My brother and I pretty much just wandered from shady spot to shady spot for most of the day. I competed in an X-Box Tony Hawk Underground tourny. Pretty lame. The controller kept crapping out on me and the X-box "road crew" guys weren't helpful at all. It might have had something to do with the fact that I was wearing my Nintendo hat, but that's only a sneaking suspicion at best.

Well it's life informing art informing life again
Like every stupid kid
That thinks that they're the first in pain
The first to rip themselves apart
The first to try and live without a heart

A person's music collection tells who they are and where they came from.

Some people have very random and eclectic collections that don't really seem to tell any sort of story about them at all. Very few of their albums really seem to fit with one another in any sort of coherent fashion, or if there are 5 or 6 different patterns in their music. The transition between those patterns is not usually a pretty one. These people can't settle down, usually because they can't decide what they want. Their lives have direction, but that direction changes with the wind. Emotionally, they will cling to whatever they feel at the moment, no matter how innappropriately timed. Fickle in behavior, attitude, and love, they spend their lives trying to find some source of hope and strength to cling to. They haven't found the artist/genre/mood that suits them yet and they'll spend the rest of their lives trying to find some sort of definition of who they are.

Some people have collections that have a clear evolution. They start off with pappy crap from their youth. Songs that were popular amongst other kids their age. It wasn't so much that they enjoyed this stuff because everyone else listened to it, but that it was the only stuff they were exposed to and they genuinely enjoyed it. As time wore on, their tastes began to evolve. A few off-the-beaten path albums start to creep their way into the collection as they started to grow as a person. Today you can look at their music collection and see that at one point they became heavily interested in a certain genre, probably during a period of self-exploration and an attempt at growth. More recent purchases cover the gamut of genres/moods/artists, but all reflect what they've been through recently. There are a few albums here and there that stick out like sore thumbs from the rest, but there you can lay out their music into one long playlist that transitions well throughout.

Then you have the poser. There's nothing wrong with the poser except that they don't accept themselves for who they are, or worse, fear that others won't accept them for who they are. They have a vast collection of a particular genre of music, with a smattering of albums from artists that were popular when they bought them. They may genuinely enjoy those albums they bought outside of their favorite genre, but they don't get nearly as much play. Somewhere early in life, these people found something they were passionate about and have stuck with it ever since. Over time they learn to accept both sides of themselves, but their music collection always maintains it's duality.

There's the music "lover" who simply buys the classics. This person strives to own every album from a certain genre that is considered "classic" by people who call themselves authorities on the subject. They learn all they can about the music and the artists, but their interest is tainted by the fact that their simply listening to what is deemed worthy by others. They'll listen to new music, but rarely come into it on their own, prefering to be introduced to new things by people whose taste they trust. As with their music collection, they rarely venture out and put effort into getting anything out of life. If someone they respect suggests they take a certain course of action, they'll consider it. Coming up with their own plan of action tends to be a difficulty for them, though when they do come up with a plan they follow it through to the end. Very loyal, but often short-sighted and oblivious to the obvious.

Music collections like mine are the analyst's dream. Were I to put my collection in order autobiographically, you could see ever wound I've ever suffered, every moment of nostalgia, every moment of inspiration and joy. From start to finish, it is a definition of who I am, where I've come from, and the path of where I'm headed. You can see the moment that I became bitter with Heather and the downward spiral that resulted from it. You can see the happier times in my relationship with Jen. You can see the cold distance that I developed as I was chewed up by the working world and the land of College. Every point in time characterized by the music I purchased in that time period, every moment catalogued, every emotion and situation described.

This is assuming you don't try to throw the personal mp3 collection into the mix. It muddies the water a little bit, but I think it still says something about who I am. There's a vast array of music there, from classical to techno to rock to hiphop to some country-western and old-style bebop jazz. I'll give anything a try if I think it's worth doing. I'm wishy washy and indecisive, so I allow myself to have a vast array of options even though the legitimate choices are limited. Often times, there is no choice to be made because I know that inaction is my best course of action. Still, I'll put a 40 or 400 songs into the playlist and let them play through until I've finally decided that the album I want to listen to is out of reach. I'll set aside my need for that album indefinitely or at least until the mood strikes me again. Sometimes I'm that way with people. It's not that I don't want them around, it's that I don't have a reason to make contact, so I simply don't. Sometimes I just can't deal with certain issues for awhile but I don't want to start a fight about it either. Rather than bring things up with them, I'll be distant with them to shield myself from confrontation. Sometimes I just can't listen to angry violent Antichrist Superstar Marilyn Manson and I just want to hear the quiet brooding Mechanical Animals Manson that is rather under-appreciated.

To be able to analyze a person's music collection, you need a vast knowledge of music and artists. I would be terrible at analyzing Kat because her collection gears more towards musical theater and opera than it does rock/pop/rap. By the same token, I couldn't analyze Jen's mom's collection because it's made up almost entirely of country music (though I've got a running theory on people that listen to mostly country that has yet to be refuted) because I don't know the first thing about the types of songs various artists sing.

It's all very interesting.

Oh no, I see
I spun a web, it's tangled up with me
And I lost my head
The thought of all the stupid things I said
Oh no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle
I turned to run
The thought of all the stupid things I've done

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