Music:Spindoctors - How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Could Have Me?)
my life might be brighter, but i still can't reach the stars
My apologies to anyone that I've been distant to over the last week or so, especially you. There's a general sense of lethargy in my life right now that I haven't figured out how to end. Work is becoming more and more of a drag. I don't know if it's that I just need a vacation or if it's that I should seriously start looking into a job somewhere else. I love where I work, I love the people I work with, this job just isn't me. The problem is, I don't know what job is "me". I want to go back to school. This can't happen until I've gotten my car and laptop paid off. A couple weeks ago I decided to defer my student loan payments for a year because they were beginning to make my financial situation look a little shakier than I would like. The deferment was approved, thankfully. When I start paying them again, I'll have my car taken care of and my laptop payments are negligible, so I'm not worried about that. Then there's the personal life. Blah. I'm happy, sort of. Normally the problem with me is that I can't accept the fact that I'm happy and part of my brain spends a lot of time trying to figure out what problem I'm ignoring. Not so this time, or at least not so much. This time things are simply too complicated for me to feel more than bittersweet happiness. I don't regret a moment of it, but I'm not going to lie and pretend that there isn't a part of me that is wishing things were slightly different. We'll discuss this some time at length when I don't have lunch plans to scurry off to, I owe you that much.
I guess some people are just born with tragedy in their blood.