Sean (darksoul) wrote,
Sean
darksoul

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the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had


Interrogation courtesy of dreaming_aloud. :)

1. Do you ever remember your dreams? If so, are they coherent? What people, places, and things do you see in your dreams? Can you give examples of a dream that has stuck with you?

I remember my dreams sporadically. Sometimes I'll go months without remembering any of my dreams, and then I'll have a torrent of memorable dreams. My recent dreams have been reasonably coherent, though not nearly as bizarre as they used to be. The people in them are usually good friends, typically people I've either been thinking about prior to sleeping or people that I spent time with during the day. Usually they happen in places that I've spent a lot of time, like my home or the homes of my friends, my old high school, my office, parks that I have frequented over the years, or an odd amalgamation of places. If there's a lot of movement involved in the dream (say I'm walking through the old high school or doing a lot of things around the house), my brain tends to add new rooms or sections onto buildings. For places that reoccur in my dreams, these changes usually carry on from dream to dream. I don't typically notice any particular items in my dreams. Nothing unusual ever stands out.

One dream has stuck with me for years and occasionally I have it still, though now I usually become lucid shortly into it (I recognize it easily when it starts and it's about the only time I can truly achieve lucidity in dreams). I'm at this farm that we visited on a field trip when I was in elementary school and a number of teachers are trying to round up a large number of us kids into a barn. Some of the children I recognize, but most of them are just random kids my mind makes up. It turns out that the teachers are rounding us up because they're planning to kill us all. Early on, my brain decided they were Terminators (laugh all you want). As time went on, they were just horrible people who planned to kill us because they wanted to. I think I felt that teachers purposely set out to hurt some kids, and this was my brains way of interpreting that sub-conscious idea.

Recently I had a very strange dream where I had a marathon night of dates. I'd go to dinner with one girl for about 45 minutes, head off to coffee with another for 30 minutes, head off to play pool with a third for about an hour, on and on for about 8 dates. First of all, I'm not the kind of guy who would have a date with two different people within the span of several days, much less 8 people, much less 8 in one night. Stranger still, all of the girls knew I was doing this as well. All of the dates were pretty tame, pretty standard, but they all went well too. They were all with females that are on the periphery in my life, which made it even stranger. I think my mind was telling me that I need to shop around and branch out from my current circle of friends. Or maybe it just thinks I need female attention and luvin'. It is off in its own little world at times.

My favorite dreams tend to dissipate shortly after I awake, but they leave me with some profound realization. Whether or not that realization fades with the dream is another story.

2. If you could choose one person to spend the rest of your life with, romantically or otherwise, who would you choose and why? (Fictional characters and celebs are okay too.)

You must hate me. Seriously, this has got to be one of the most difficult things I've had to think about in months. I know most of my friends well enough to know whether or not we could survive that long without one of us killing the other. I couldn't choose a celebrity because personality is too important to me and I'd have to get to know that person before I would dare want to spend an extreme amount of time with them, much less the rest of my life. I can spend as much time as I want with a fictional character inside my own head. Besides, if I were to spend time with a fictional character, I'd want it to be my idealized version of that character, and that'd eventually get boring.

There is one person whom I think I'd be content with spending that much time with, in either a platonic or romantic fashion. I won't name names, partly because they may stumble across this (or someone else will pass the word along) and more may be read into it than is intended, and partly because I like being mysterious. I've never been more comfortable with anyone than I am when I'm around this person. We can talk about nothing for hours and hours on end while time passes like water through a sieve, with the topic swinging from how we felt about a teacher we had in elementary school to why we felt a filmmaker used certain elements in a film to philosophical discussions about ourselves and our place in the universe. Nothing romantic need occur for me to be content spending the rest of my life with this person either. I'd imagine that something romantic could develop out of it, given proper timing, but I'd be just as content waking up in the morning alone as I would with having my arm around them in the wee morning hours. Of course, I'm a very cuddly person and I'd need some cuddle time now and then (I reserve the right to be a needy person every now and then), but they'd expect it and probably demand the same from me (woe is me for being a cuddly male).

I don't know, our personalities just click. It's that simple.

Unfortunately, there are obstacles outside of my control that prevent this from becoming a reality. Their continued friendship is enough for me though, and so I count my blessings that I have someone important to me like that in my life.

And now the peanut gallery commences with comparing notes to figure out who I'm talking about. Since you asked Tara, I'm willing to go on ad nauseam about it with you in either another forum or in a more concealed LJ space. Some mysteries I like to maintain among the general public. Especially, as I said, when it's easy to read more into it than is intended, or worse, misconstrue what I meant.

3. Have you ever had, in your life, a significant crossroads? How did you choose which direction to take and, if you could go back and do it again, would you take the same route? Why or why not?

I think the most significant one was when I chose to move out of my mother's house to live with my girlfriend at the time. It was early during my senior year and my mom and I were having a lot of difficulties with one another. She'd just gotten divorced from my father and was trying to adjust to being a single mom. For years, I'd enjoyed the privilege of not having to endure many rules regarding my time outside of the house. I was supposed to be home by a reasonable hour on school nights and my weekends were to do with as I pleased, for the most part. It had been that way since the summer before my freshman year, so I was pretty set in my ways. Without much warning, she started being more restrictive. At the same time, she was behaving like a teenager with her new boyfriend, leaving at late hours to go over to his place for the night/early morning without leaving a note or telling anyone where she was going. We had several fights over things (really nasty fights too) and I finally got fed up with it. One day I came home, packed up my things, and just left. No warning, no note, I just left.

Looking back on it now, I couldn't tell you if I'd do it again or not. The experience that came from living outside of her home helped mature me into the person I am today. On the other hand, I was stupid and self-centered for leaving. I can't remember what it felt like to go through that at the time except that I cried for weeks when my mind strayed to the family.

4. When you think of the word "beauty", what kind of images or thoughts come to mind?

Beauty is too subjective to ever try to define. What I see or think of when I think of the word "beauty" will be different in an hour from what I think of now. Am I in a chipper mood? Am I depressed? Am I in a self-destructive funk? Am I in love? Am I hungry/sleepy/in physical pain/mildly intoxicated?

The following is what comes to mind right now. :)

Beauty is looking out the window of an airplane on the earth below. Back in December when I flew to Boston for training, I had the pleasure of having the window seat for each of the four flights we took (my boss had made enough flights in her time that she didn't really care). I got to experience flying over cloud cover during the day, flying over clear skies during the day, and flying over cities at night during clear skies. All of them brought me a since of awe and amazement at the beauty of the earth from several miles up. I've never been able to fully convey that sense of beauty to anyone. I don't think humans ever understood how insignificant their petty problems were until they managed to fly 10,000 feet into the air above it all.

5. If you were to choose any place on earth to represent the person you are, what place would you choose and why?

This is a tough one. In the interest of giving you some sort of answer, I'll go with Kansas City at night from about 20,000 feet up. You can replace that with just about any city that suffers from extreme urban sprawl, but I think Kansas City is probably the best example. At night, you can look down on cities and they look like this vast network of veins connecting various large globs of light together. Traffic appears as blood flowing through those veins, maintaining the industrial beast. In some places, the light is dim and life appears to be fading, in others it's vibrant and life seems to thrive. I'd like to imagine that I'm like that. This being that is made up of millions of complicated processes and seemingly idiotic connections, but on the whole is something unique, always changing, allowing old ideas to die off while building new moral structures to venture forth in.

to play the game right, i'm supposed to be willing to "interview" anyone who asks me to. i'm not in a very creative mood, however, and i may not get around to providing you with questions to answer until monday (busy weekend ahead), so if you want me to "interview" you, you do so acknowledging that it will take me time to get back to you about it. that said, i hope this was informative to someone and didn't just make me sound like a raving lunatic. :)
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