May 5th, 2005

into this night i wander

This is the story of the boys who loved you, who love you now and loved you then...

When did I start seeing this god awful hour on a regular basis? The better question is why don't I make an attempt to change that habit. Habits are hard to kill, especially one's that you have no desire to give up.

Allusion, metaphor, and parable. These are the main things Jesus and I have in common. It's too bad he died when he did, he's missed out on the chance to plug christ-like imagery into his stories. In these days of fire and brimstone, everyone wants a martyr for their story. Don't martyr me, though. I value my life too much to be anyone's sacrificial lamb but my own. Besides, my hands are far too valuable to arbitrarily punch holes in them just to make a hero out of me.

I worry that I might be too caught up in my own view of the world to see where other people are coming from. I worry that I might know far too well where other people are coming from in their view of things to be able to even discuss it with them. Keeping our mouths shut stops us from stepping on any toes, but at what cost? Cost-benefit analysis was never meant to be applied outside of economics, but sometimes life is governed by the same laws as marketable goods. Someone needs to develop an accurate value system that could be applied universally to the wide range of human emotion.
  • Current Music
    Chris Isaak - Wicked Game

I'm always asking myself what does it all mean and where do we go from here...

I made it into the office before 9 for the first time in a few weeks. Strange, considering how much I feel like a zombie this morning. Tonight was going to be spent working myself into a cleaning frenzy to get my stuff ready for movement to the opposite side of the house once my "new" bedroom is finished, but I may just go home and sleep instead. So exciting!

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I've been considering wiping my iPod and starting completely from scratch, adding tracks only instead of insisting on entire albums. The reason I'm insistent on adding entire albums as often as possible is so that I can be faithful to the artist's original concept for the album. Just because I think a track smells doesn't mean that it doesn't belong in between to otherwise great tracks. I digress. The idea occured to me yesterday afternoon while wandering through a book store that my life has a sort of running soundtrack/playlist, that at any given moment in time there is a song in my collection to describe that moment. I could just create a playlist from what I've got on there already, but the idea of narrowing down what I have available to a select group feels bizarrely comforting. Something psychologically revealing could probably be said about that. Slightly related, I wonder how long I can listen to dark southern gothic roots music before someone in the office notices and calls it into question. I also wonder if anyone just read that and didn't think "what the hell genre is that?" *sighs* I'm hopeless.
  • Current Music
    William Elliott Whitmore - Does Me No Good

"And that was...that?", or "This is the moral of the story, not the end..." or or or

I'm better, but I wanna see your face one more time before I leave and then I'm gone...

Heather knows that I want to talk to her. I caught her online a few nights ago and inquired as to when she'd be in KC next. (Un)fortunately she won't be coming to KC anytime in the foreseeable future, leaving me with either calling her and explaining things to her or sending an email. I'd have talked to her then, but she was on her way out the door so I just mentioned that I wanted to talk with her. It'll be taken care of eventually.

It's ok if you don't know everything...

Being selfish is difficult for me to pull off, no matter how nonchalant my actions may seem at times. I'll bite my tongue before I say something I'll regret.

i've got a hunger
twisting my stomach into knots
that my tongue has tied off

my brain's repeating
"if you've got an impulse let it out"
but they never make it past my mouth.
  • Current Music
    Interpol - Public Pervert