The nice thing about not having a chair at my desk just yet is that when I want to just curl up and drowned myself in iTunes, I can just turn off the monitor and curl up on the couch.
My horoscopes for the last few days have been far too accurate. I don't want to look at today's for fear of what the day may hold for me. Let the surprise slap me across the face like a heart attack.
Breaking the 4th wall is a film technique that has great potential for failure, but I'm a sucker for it nonetheless. So much so that I find myself occasionally going to break the 4th wall in daily conversation, only the audience is myself and I look like a crazy person yammering to himself.
I miss the days of feeling comfortable. This isn't specific to anyone, just in case you thought I was referring to you. You're included, but it isn't just you. I've wanted to pick up the phone and talk to someone about things that have been going on, but somewhere along the way I stopped feeling comfortable talking about my own problems. More often than not, I feel the urge to keep people at arm's length or to act as though I'm keeping myself highly detached from those things that are having an effect on me. Knowing that people that you care about think that what you're doing is a mistake, that they think you're stupid for doing what you feel the need to do...It certainly doesn't instill much desire in me to talk about things. My friends aren't my personal therapists, there to help me work through my problems whenever the need strikes me. I recognize that more than most people. But for as often as I offer my shoulders to help lighten the burden, I feel like I'm still required to dance around eggshells. This realization brought to you by my spending too much time analyzing things with Heather and why I am so paranoid about telling her that our friendship has reached it's expiration date as well as a need to discuss other things and having no one to talk to at any given moment in time.
Sorry, I'm being a downer. The above frustrates me more than it annoys or upsets me. I've had so many people lean on my shoulder over the years that it leaves me a little frustrated when I find myself uncomfortable talking to all but a handful (less really) of people I know about what's going on. This too shall pass.
It might be that I'm all over the board emotionally or it may be that I have too much music, but it's so hard narrowing down what I want to say with music to 72 minutes while maintaining some sort of similarity in the songs.