April 25th, 2005

into this night i wander

"Caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new," or "There's too much I can't say..."

The only time my horoscope is remotely on target are those days where I don't read it until it's too late. There's a lot of that going on in my life at any giving moment. If I were as great a dancer physically as I am conversationally, I'd probably still step on someone's toes occasionally.

So much time has passed with so little contact, and yet. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" is bullshit, "time heals all wounds" an old maid's tale to push their daughters forward. Life isn't so easily explained by clichés, love with riddles and rhymes, as much as I'd like to lead people to believe otherwise. Words can only express so much. Perhaps that's why I'm such a music fiend. What can't be expressed by the word can often be expressed with a simple piano. I was reminded, both over the weekend and earlier today, the danger that comes from expressing myself through mix discs. Even when I make them for myself, I'm revealing more than I might intend. Ironically, as time passes they tend to take on new meaning and still give away more than I want as new messages creep forth from them.

I’ve changed my mind so much I cant even trust it
My mind changed me so much I cant even trust myself

I don't know what to do. Living by the seat of my pants used to be my preferred method for living life. These days I'm too afraid of where it might lead. I'm a heavy guy and don't want to step on anyone's toes for fear I'll crack their bones. I don't know what you want from me which makes it hard for me to know how to act. It doesn't help that you don't know what you want either.
  • Current Music
    Modest Mouse - Talking Shit About A Pretty Sunset