March 16th, 2005

everyone needs christ-like imagery, Super Walken

We destroy ourselves to rise again...

The face in the mirror concerns me more and more as the days wear on. I spent so many years trying not to become my father, only to see the spectre of his ghost staring back at me every morning. He called me the other day, calling me back after having tried to reach him a month earlier when I was computer shopping. Rather than get caught up in a lengthy conversation with him that I had no interest in having, I let him go to voice mail. Ironic, really, because that's the same problem I have when I try to contact a handful of people. So much energy was spent on not becoming the demon that instead I'm becoming the shell instead. The idea of moving to another state has crossed my mind a few times recently, but I don't know where I'd go or how I'd get there or what I'd do once I got there that would make life any better than it is now. That's not to say that my life is really all that bad, but that I feel stagnant in pretty much everything I do.

Today's weather makes me want to find a hillside that I can lay on and zone out. I also feel like getting sloppy drunk with friends, taking a long drive to nowhere in particular, snuggling up and napping, catty people watching at the casino with someone equally catty as myself, and probably a half dozen other things if I put my mind to it. I blame a boring day of frustration and office angst.

Seriously, why do you people put up with me? All I do is whine. :P
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    Ben Folds - Landed