November 24th, 2003

into this night i wander

I'm not here, this isn't happening...

It's becoming increasingly obvious to me that I'll be unplugging soon. Emotionally and spiritually. It isn't the fault of anyone or anything in particular. I thought I had myself in check, but it seems that I miscalculated and made a poor move along the line and now I'm struggling to stay in the game. The problem comes in that when you make a major mistake, you're highly prone to making more mistakes until you recover. It'll be an amazing feat if I can manage to salvage anything out of this. Cryptic cryptic cryptic. God forbid I give away any information that might link it all together. Assumptions will be made, people will conspire with one another to decipher this mess. Or no one will care at all. Part of me prefers that it be that way. Part of me is sad because I think it's already that way. Sad is the wrong word for it. Reluctantly complacent? Wearily acceptant? Whatever. I don't want pity anyway. I don't know what I want these days, or at least those things that I do want are incredibly foolish and just *that* far out of reach.

I'm going to just start ending every post with "remove me if you know what's good for you." The self-loathing isn't going anywhere. I mean that in every fashion you might construe it.
  • Current Music
    NIN - That's What I Get