y0 bitches, Optimus Prime iz in da Iraqi hizouse, ready to bust a cap in y0' ass! United Kingdomer, Britian, Englander, or even Iraqi, he don't care, he's gonna slap you back into the stone age, Optimus Primal style!
I refuse to link to it, but jproulx has a "song" available on his website that sounds like a bad 80's tv theme song. Shame on you Jesse for making Nicole's Song available to the world, even if your wife is Nicole. That song makes the baby Jesus weep with a thousand tears. Could be worse though, it could be Yellow Lasers from MC Frontalot.
It's been nearly 20 minutes since I spotted her across the room cheerfully swaying about to the pounding beat. Eyeing her casually, I down the last of the pathetic excuse for social lubricant and sigh to myself. Women like that don't come to places like this to be harassed by a guy like me. They're looking for leaner, meaner, more confident, more exciting, more enticing, stupider, less clever, more popular, charismatic. Another song, another drink, another moment wasted and I feel the time is right to make a fool of myself tonight. Wandering through the smoky haze I push past the sweaty bodies of no one in particular, a man with purpose, on a perilous mission. She looks up at me as I come over to her. God her eyes are beautiful up close. That face could set a thousand ships to sea and could break the heart of any being born with one. Thousands before me have passed their gaze upon this beautiful visage and suffered a broken heart as she continued walking down the street. Already I feel my heart breaking, sensing the coming rejection. Her eyes betray her thoughts, scrambling to recognize me from the millions of people she's passed in her life but failing.
"Hi there. You don't know me, but I've been watching you from across the club for awhile now, trying to drink enough courage to come over here and hit on you shamelessly like every other guy in here has been considering doing. I wondered if you had any interest in becoming my future-ex-girlfriend. Relations between us would progress slowly at first, with a couple of sweet and cute dinner/movie dates, a night or two out at the club. After a month or two we'll have forged a bond between us, introduced one another to our friends, maybe met each other's parents. Then one day we'll have a fight or find that we just don't have enough in common to have a relationship and we decide we'll be better off as friends. Interaction'll die down for a couple weeks while we readjust. Maybe we'll become good friends, coming to depend on one another to be that voice of reason for the other. Occasionally one of us will have an evening where we've drank a little too much and admit that we wish we'd never broke up or come looking for a night of fun with the other. In the end, we'll either end up more like siblings or we'll stop talking to one another entirely, our brief relationship just one more blip in the timestream where a man and a woman shared their feelings/bodies/minds/lives with one another. In the end it won't have made much of an impact on our lives, but it won't be a dark blotch upon our lives either. Or we could just go get coffee some time and get to know one another. Whatever."
She has the cutest chuckle and the sweetest smile. No wonder I won't be the last to love her...
Michael Moore's acceptance speech at the Oscars. Watch the video at the left as well, it's footage from the press conference afterwards. I understand a lot of people don't appreciate uninformed celebrity opinions on the war, but I respect Michael Moore as a pundit and a satirist, not as a celebrity.