||[Jan. 29th, 2003|04:54 pm]
|[||Somedays I feel a little:
|[||Your mom ain't listening to
|||||mellowdrone - my first love song||]|
I've tried to make this post twice already today, both times the webclient ate it. Let's try Semagic, shall we?
Indie Rock J provided me with links to far too much good free music today. He has a knack for finding groups that no one's heard of that produce really great music. Then people like me spend their hard earned money to help support the creation of said music. It all works out. From now on I'm just going to go to him for something new to listen to since he's so damned indie. :)
Life is in a bizarre state of balance right now. Things aren't great, but things aren't horrible either. Every bad made up for by a good of equal value. Some would call it karma. I'd blame it on living a bizarre life of mediocrity. It isn't that I'm not grateful for what I've got, and I'm not whining about the negative things (anymore than any average person would anyway), it just seems like life ought to be one way or the other, not an extreme mixture of the two. Floating adrift in the middle of the pool is bad enough at times, but when you're being splashed by a bully on one side and a beautiful woman on the other, you just don't know what to think. Experiencing emotion becomes more difficult because of the conflict within. Imagine going to a funeral for someone dear to you and then winning the lotto that afternoon. Tone it down about tenfold in both directions. That's where I'm at, someplace more akin to having your car breakdown that you're still paying payments on but then finding out that you just got a great promotion at the office. It's hard to choose just how to feel. Instead, I've chosen to remain cheerful and generally uneffected. This'll probably bite me on the ass later.
The only real emotion I've been able to hold onto lately doesn't really even classify as an emotion as much as a raw animalistic desire. That sounds bad, so let me explain. Most people experience seasonal depression to some extent, anywhere from being slightly lethargic in the winter to being completely depressed and miserable. For whatever reason, my body reacts quite the opposite. I'm like Superman in reverse, Sol drains my powers after prolonged exposure. The winter time leaves me wanting physical exertion, adventure, making me almost predatory for an adrenaline rush. Two weeks ago I worked out so hard at the gym that my arms were sore for days afterwards. It was kind of annoying at first, but then it turned into this pain that I craved and made me want to do more. I could feel the burn while I was at the gym and wanted to keep going. This is what my body does in the winter. I blame it on the warrior blood within. We've got Scandinavians in the bloodline on my mom's side of the family (native americans too, but I don't blame them). Them darn dirty vikings have passed that winter urge for adventure and mayhem down through their genetic code to corrupt the youth. It's a good excuse for my fetish for swords as well (I can blame a lot on those Scandinavian ancestors). If I refuse to concede to the cold and to winter, then my body stays out of that winter funk that everyone else goes into.
Tonight I was supposed to be heading to the movies with Leslie, but she had other plans that probably won't be able to be cancelled. Since I can't get ahold of her and her voicemail keeps giving me a busy signal, I'm guessing I'm on my own. Anyone have an interest in catching a flick at the Cinemark on the plaza with me? I'd like to catch a show around 7. Darkness Falls, 25th Hour, and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind are at the top of my list of things to see, but I'm open-minded. Give me a call on the cell if you're interested.