so many things i'd like to write about today, so little time and so few words to express (read as: lazy). it's been a good weekend. relaxing, fun, good times have been had. i'm getting back into the groove of having a good time.
tonight i should finally have the beginnings of a bedroom (i'm taking my sister's room since she's in the process of moving out, but she still hasn't gotten enough out of there to make it worth my moving into her room). it still feels akward being back home, but i'm settling, slowly but surely. i should have people over sometime. i keep saying that, but i feel weird about having people over still. everything is still surreal to me. *shrugs*
Jen, right now you and I have to be friends. Just friends. I can't deal with anything more than that right now. I know you feel remorse for the decision you made and for having me move out and what not, but that's not something you can change. I'm sorry if you regret the choice you made, but there's nothing I can do about it at this point. I don't know what will happen with you and I in the future. I'd like to be comforting and tell you that some time in the future I'll want to be with you again and that you can quit worrying, but that's not true. As things are now, I don't see a time in which I'd be comfortable being with you again. I want to be your friend still, but I can't handle anything beyond that from you now or in the foreseeable future. To say that we'll move beyond all this and get back together again would be a farce and an impossibility. I simply don't have the mental energies anymore, my patience has worn thin. I miss you, but I also have to do what's best for me for once rather than doing what's best for someone else and maybe good for me. I need to be able to hang out with who I want, when I want, and to do what I want without having to worry about upsetting the person I'm coming home to. You wanted me to move out partially because you didn't know what it was like to be an irresponsible teenager. Well, I need to gain those experiences that I should've had over the last 3 1/2 years that I missed out on too. It's time we both moved on with our lives. It's difficult, but it's what has to happen. This doesn't mean that I hate you or that I never want to see you again. It just means that, for now, I need my space and I need to be allowed to move on, regardless of your wishes or needs. And none of this is coming out quite how I want it to, but I don't know a better way to express any of it and I'm too weary to try rewriting it all.