stupid internet connection will not work today. blah.
August 8th, 2002
it had never occured to me until last night that many of the people that i associate with now don't know anything of my past prior to a certain point in time. certainly i had known that bits and pieces of my past were not known to the general populace, but i hadn't realized that there was so much that had not been revealed. i went up to Steak And Shake to visit my cousin while she worked since i hadn't seen her all summer. it was nice to sit and talk with someone in my family without feeling contempt like i do with most people outside of my immeadiate family members. anyway, the tangent i was on. i didn't realize Maura worked up there, but it was nice to see her too. as i was leaving, i was joking about paying my little brother to start making me lunches to take to work once i move back to my mom's. Maura was surprised because she didn't even know i had siblings since i've never mentioned them, so why would she know? coupled with my telling a few of the darker things of my past to Jamie the night before, it dawned on me that most of the people that were around for the major events have mostly disappeared from my life and most of the people i'm around now have no knowledge of me beyond when we met. wiping away one's past should not be as easy as that. ;)
i've got to wonder what my co-workers think of me. i know most of them like me, but i've got to be creepy to them. my office is darkened by a black cloth over the standard office lighting, christmas lights are strewn about the ceiling, i've toys all over one shelf, crazy worthless books on another, and a chicken resting atop my top shelf. one day they may come in and i'm listening to NPR, the next i've got raver techno dance music playing, the next O Brother Where Art Thou, the next Marilyn Manson. my boss and i ramble on about politics and war and computers and random crap that goes over most everyone else's head. i've become the weird guy at the office without really intending to. coolness. :)
i think i'd rather be under an internet blackout than under this "virtual blackout" that we have at the office. i can't get into my hotmail box because it takes eons for it to connect, much less load. i can't sign in to any of my message services for more than a moment because they lose their connection. i'm amazed LJ has been connecting as well as it has been for me. if i make a lot of random posts today, like this one, please don't hold it against me. i just can't find anything else to keep myself from becoming stir crazy.