can i mention how much i hate being a nice guy? it's not that i'm going to stop being a nice guy or anything. it's just that anytime i try to have a spine and actually stand up for my own needs, feelings, wishes, etc., i come off like some massive asshole who is horribly self-centered. I could give a damn less about myself usually. typically, my only need is to make sure everyone else is as happy as i can make them. and if i can't make them happy or i've been unable to make them remotely happy any time, then i give up and concentrate on whatever makes me happy at the time. unfortunately, if i give up, having had no success at all for a very long time, then the moment i give up i become a giant asshole for realizing the futility of any action i take. life is futile, as are most of the actions of our life.