"And don't tell me God works in mysterious ways...There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. Or else He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about-a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of his when he robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did he create pain?"
"What a colossal, immortal blunderer! When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is staggering. Its obvious He never met a payroll. Why, no self-respecting businessman would hire a bungler like Him as even a shipping clerk!"